Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
