1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
