I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
