Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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