P.S. I can't hear my feet
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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