I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
