His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
