They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
