I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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