PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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