Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
