Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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