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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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