Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
