You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
