He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
tequila makes me forget i have legs
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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