You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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