Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i will never coherently bang her
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
