Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
