sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
