Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just want nice things and good sex
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
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