really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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