every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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