Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
