I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
