Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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