you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
