you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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