When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
