Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
