Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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