update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Enjoy the penises
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
