I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
