the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
This is the high leading the old right now
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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