What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
