I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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