Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
