Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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