my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
