Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
