i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just cut my nipple shaving
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
