Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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