we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
as a side note pls kill me
false alarm, still single
Randomize
