Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
