I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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