I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
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She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
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I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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