I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
