Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
