that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
