is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
