I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I cockslap morals
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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