You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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