Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
