Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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