So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
