dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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