My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize