her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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