I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
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