I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
you made out with another girl for some wings
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
