she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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