so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
