omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
