exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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