***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
