Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
