I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
