I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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