Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
