I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
