Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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