I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
