I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
