help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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