Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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