I want to make a zoo with you.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
