Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
