i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
